Why Feedback Can Inspire or Shut Us Down (Special Edition)
Exploring the science behind emotional responses to feedback
I’ve always been fascinated by how people handle constructive feedback. Why do some individuals thrive on it, using it as a stepping stone to success, while others seem to shrink under its weight?
I started wondering about the deeper mechanisms at play—how our minds process criticism and why our responses vary so widely.
This curiosity led me down a rabbit hole of research into the psychology of feedback, where I discovered something fascinating: cognitive appraisal systems.
These are the mental processes our brains use to evaluate situations, including feedback, and decide how to react. As I dug deeper, I realized how much our reactions are shaped not just by what’s said but by how we perceive it—our past experiences, self-esteem, and even unconscious biases.
Plainly speaking, what I uncovered about cognitive appraisal and its role in feedback was eye-opening. It’s not just about delivering criticism effectively; it’s also about understanding the mental frameworks people use to process it.
And when we approach feedback with this knowledge, it can transform from something dreaded (ugh) into something empowering.
The Science Behind Constructive Criticism: Understanding Cognitive Appraisal
Criticism, especially constructive feedback, can be a powerful tool for growth when delivered effectively. However, not everyone processes criticism the same way. To understand why, we need to explore the concept of cognitive appraisal—how our brains evaluate and interpret feedback—and how this shapes our emotional and behavioral responses.
What Is Cognitive Appraisal?
Cognitive appraisal is the mental process by which we evaluate a situation, event, or information to determine its meaning and relevance. Psychologists Richard Lazarus and Susan Folkman identified two key stages in this process:
Primary Appraisal:
This is the first impression of the feedback:
“Is this feedback important to me?”
“Does it threaten my self-esteem or challenge me to improve?”
For example: Imagine your manager tells you, “You need to improve your presentation skills.” You might perceive this as:
A threat: “They think I’m not capable.”
A challenge: “This is an opportunity to grow.”
Secondary Appraisal:
Here, you assess your ability to cope with the situation:
“Do I have the skills or resources to address this feedback?”
“Can I handle this without damaging my confidence or performance?”
For example: If you believe you can take a public speaking class or practice with a mentor, you’re more likely to feel motivated and less defensive. (**this is why it’s so important to acknowledge growth opportunities and provide support**)
How People React to Criticism
Our emotional and behavioral responses to feedback depend largely on how we appraise it—threat or challenge.
Here are some common reactions:
The Defensive Response:
Why it Happens: A threat appraisal triggers a fight-or-flight response, making us defensive.
Example: “I don’t think that’s true; my presentations are fine!”
How to Reframe: Recognize the feedback as an opportunity to improve, not an attack on character.
The Motivated Learner:
Why it Happens: A challenge appraisal focuses on personal growth.
Example: “I didn’t realize I could improve there; I’ll start practicing!”
How to Encourage This: Deliver feedback that is specific and actionable, making the path forward clear.
The Shutdown:
Why it Happens: Overwhelmed by the feedback, the recipient avoids addressing it.
Example: “I’ll just stick to what I know—I’m not good at this anyway.”
How to Prevent It: Balance constructive criticism with positive reinforcement to maintain confidence.
Factors Influencing Appraisals
There are several other factors shape how someone appraises and reacts to criticism. Like self-esteem, past experiences and of course cognitive biases.
Self-Esteem:
Those with high self-esteem are more likely to interpret feedback constructively, while those with low self-esteem may view it as a personal attack.
For example: A confident employee might see suggestions as a way to refine their skills, while a less confident one may see them as evidence of failure.
Past Experiences:
Positive experiences with feedback create openness, while negative experiences can lead to defensiveness.
For example: Someone who’s had supportive mentors will likely view criticism more positively than someone who’s faced harsh or unfair feedback.
Cognitive Biases:
Negativity Bias: Focusing on the negative aspects of feedback and ignoring the positive.
Confirmation Bias: Interpreting feedback to fit existing self-beliefs, often amplifying insecurities.
Attribution Bias: Viewing criticism as an attack on character rather than behavior.
Practical Strategies for Delivering Constructive Criticism
To ensure feedback is both effective and well-received:
Be Specific and Actionable:
Vague feedback like “You’re not doing a good job” offers no path forward. Instead, try:
“Your last report had some great insights, but including more data visuals could make it even stronger.”
Balance Positivity with Constructive Feedback:
Highlight strengths alongside areas for improvement. For example:
“Your customer service skills are excellent. To make your impact even greater, let’s work on responding more quickly to emails.”
Show Empathy:
Acknowledge the recipient’s feelings and perspectives. For instance:
“I know this project was challenging, and your effort really stood out. Let’s brainstorm ways to make things smoother next time.”
Follow Up:
After providing feedback, check in to support progress and reinforce the value of their efforts.
Creating the Right Environment
Creating an environment of psychological safety, one in which people feel secure receiving and acting on feedback is critical. Research shows that teams with high psychological safety are more innovative and perform better.
As a leader you can foster this through:
Encouraging open communication
Normalizing mistakes as part of learning
Building trust and showing respect during feedback
As a reminder, feedback is not a one size fits all approach and understanding cognitive appraisal systems can help.
People’s reactions depend on how they interpret the feedback, their self-beliefs, and the context in which it’s delivered. By tailoring how we deliver constructive criticism—making it specific, empathetic, and actionable—we can transform feedback from a potential threat into a powerful tool for growth.
Liked this content by
and balanced.boss? Share with your friends or leave a comment.Sources:
Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping.
The Atlantic: How to Take and Give Criticism Well
Positive Psychology: Understanding Feedback and Emotional Responses